Homeschool Adventures

This year was our first attempt at homeschool. We ended up doing Oak Meadow through an online charter school. I had read in various places that other homeschoolers do not feel that charter schools online are “real” homeschool. I didn’t understand at the time, but I do now. Being tied to the state, having to deal with the stress of testing and the results, and being given extra work on top of what we are already doing is stressful. And it’s not particularly productive. These tests are not an accurate assessment of what my daughter knows. She completely freezes during the tests and loses all ability to comprehend. Her posture changes drastically and she looks so dejected, just from having to answer questions. It doesn’t help that it’s also timed. How ridiculous! Next year we will not be doing the charter school thing-even if it does have perks (like free curriculum and a learning fund to pay for horseback riding lessons). I would rather find a way to come up with the money myself to pay for all of these things than to subject her to this inefficient and inaccurate system of testing. No wonder people get up in arms over education. Thank God we are able to homeschool and she doesn’t have to go to a public school that would focus on testing and where she fits in that system. She doesn’t fit in their system.

This would have never have been a problem if we hadn’t been forced to test out of first grade into second grade simply to get the curriculum that best suited her learning. The first grade testing she flew through and did very well. She felt proud of herself. Now with the second grade testing (which is a very different test than first grade) she acts as though she has somehow failed. I know I am part of that problem as well because I am putting pressure on her to pay attention, click on the right answer and do well. We are now doing practice work that is formatted like the state tests everyday until the next round of testing in April. Oh joy. At least maybe it will help ease the unfamiliarity she faces every time we do a test. Ugh.

I am so over it. It looks like I will be heading down the unschool path. Because I would much rather have her discover which work is meaningful to her and do that. I want her to be free to pursue what she is actually interested in, rather than what a curriculum or state standard tells her is important. That to me is the inefficiency of the educational system in general. A bunch of students learning a lot of things that don’t appear to be relevant. Even in college-how much time/money did I waste taking a bunch of general education classes that had nothing at all to do with my major or my interests. I didn’t discover my true passions until I was nearly 30. I have a business degree, but I could care less about business-in fact, I hate it. It’s mind-numbing to me. But I love nutrition, love health and wellness, love learning about the way the body works together, love discovering natural remedies that strengthen the body and help it to heal. It’s fascinating. The body is so intricate and complex, this whole system working together to keep you alive. I could literally go on and on. That’s what I want for my children-to find what it is that makes them come alive, that captures their personal interest and then to find a way to do it, be it, etc. That is success, that is living life with purpose.

Loss

I suppose you could say that this little blog is my outlet for my feelings. I don’t know who to talk to about it sometimes and this is like sending it out into space. (even though I know a few people are reading it)

I had this friend-we grew up together, we were friends, we played legos together when we were little. He was a great guy. Kind of like a brother but not quite. He had a brain aneurism at 19. He was left a totally different person. He was very disabled from it. The last time I saw him was a year after it happened. He has always remained a part of my thoughts. I moved across the country, so visiting wasn’t really something I could do easily. Anyways, I have a dream about him probably once per year where he is himself again and vibrant. The dream always feels so real. A couple nights ago I had another of these dreams. So when I woke up I googled him. Just to see. His obituary was one of the first things that came up in my search. It was in 2010. I had no idea. I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard. I’m happy for him that he is in a place now where he can be free and whole. Very happy for him. But it still feels so sad and so shocking. I think because a part of me deep down always hoped he would one day miraculously recover. And death feels so final. I hate death right now. I’m so done with it. I am sad. heartbroken. not without hope. one day.