Oh my gosh! School is almost out. We homeschool and I am so happy to not have to think about any type of instruction for the next few months. This is our second year and it’s better than last year. But I have this nagging feeling it could be better or that maybe I’m doing it wrong. We started out with an online public charter school-learning fund anyone? But the added pressure of being ready for state testing and assessment every quarter was too much. This year we did it again and added a once/week homeschool co-op. Because I am a glutton for punishment and need to bite off more than I can actually handle. So I’m looking forward to a break and next year. Because next year we aren’t doing the online thing and we aren’t doing any extra groups. Thank you Jesus. They will be busy doing violin and aerial silks to help them be around other kids. I am also going to lazily start my 4 year old in Oak Meadow preK. Just to help keep her entertained since her favorite playmate is starting full-time preK in the fall and they won’t see each other as much.
I have this daughter. She is the most loving person I know. She insists on loving people, on believing the best about them. Even when they hurt her, she is quick to forgive, quick to want to give the benefit of the doubt. I’m learning a lot from her. What I find intriguing is that she is not like this to a fault. She is no doormat and she is learning to stand up for herself. I watch her and am fascinated by the way she will set aside her own preference to allow another to have theirs. I used to think this sort of thing was a weakness. I used to see it as a bad character trait-a pushover. But in truth, she is not a pushover. She has her priorities in line. She knows it’s better to love, to give, to help, to share. She knows that a mistake is just that. It’s a mistake and not the truth of a person, their heart.
I, on the other hand, am the complete opposite. In meeting people, I am simply waiting for the novelty to wear off, for people to show their true selves. And a mistake is the first sign of “Oh I see-this is the real you.” I am not generally disposed to seeing the best in others, to loving despite injury. It’s takes a lot of effort to not write people off. There is this one person who, through repeated injury, I had basically put in a box with a “crazy, do not trust label.” But recently I’ve been pleasantly surprised. I see much more good. There’s a generosity and overall good-natured quality that exists. So, I’m learning to be willing to hold off judgement, to trust God with my heart so that I can love more freely. My daughter is a walking example. We help each other that way-I help her not get taken in and she helps me see the true, the good.